This is not my ceiling
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
