Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
