Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
