from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
