then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
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Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"