i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk