We won't sleep together?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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