What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.