I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.