yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear