You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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