in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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