drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We had sex on a dog bed..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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