My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize