if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
