She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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