why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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