apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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