Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
