VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
