i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
