my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dignity is for republicans.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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