i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
