in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
