I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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