I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
