Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
