I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
