You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
