I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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