We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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