I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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