oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
