Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
