Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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