he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize