I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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