Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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