I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
