I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When are your genitals available?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
