I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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