Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
