I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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