Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
