...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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