it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
