Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
