I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
