Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a search helicopter?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
