I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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