Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
