I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
