weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
