matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
