I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
