she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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