Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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