Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love you. Go after that dick
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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