So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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