I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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