he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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