he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My life is pants optional.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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