why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have post one night stand depression
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
