don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
