he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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