So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
