I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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