Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
