I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
