she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
