Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
